bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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