I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
