THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
