And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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