My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
