i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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