singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she looked like the before picture.
you win again, gameday.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
