I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
