It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
