I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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