apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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