Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
