Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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