I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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