My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
he's gonorrhea incarnate
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
