I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
do herpes really smell.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
