Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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