youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
