I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
