I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
