I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
