She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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