Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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