Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
