Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
