i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
