I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
