He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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