im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
