I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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