u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
