i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
