my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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