do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
