Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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