were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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