the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
