Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
