I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
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