enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
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