i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
