She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
