last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
