Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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