Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
