Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
