no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
