We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
