I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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