you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
